Oouie!

I have had many discussions with women lately, especially young women, who are just getting their "sea legs for life".   I have had casual conversations and long, in depth conversations with these beautiful young gals and it makes me reach inside myself to see how I would have handled certain things....how I do handle certain things.  The funny thing is, I have had the same kinds of conversations with my older friends.  At the end of the day, we are all just girls... whether you are 21 or 51!  And the things that distress 21 year olds also distress 51 year olds.

The years pass, and hopefully with that, women gain a certain maturity.  Confidence comes more easily as you realize you can "do this", whatever your this is.  I believe confidence and self esteem increase as we become comfortable in our own skin.  But how do you get there?  What can you do?  There are thousands of books that will tell you how.  I am  no authority...I am not a doctor or a psychologist or therapist. I'm just a girl . . . a girl who has had the incredible good fortune of living a life that I would have only dreamed of, when I was a curly headed 5 year old with bright eyes and a lot of curiosity.  The curls  straightened, but the bright eyes bursting with curiosity never changed.

I have always followed my dreams, no matter how crazy they seemed to everyone around me, and believe me, they seemed crazy to most.  But I tried things....lots of things.  I still try things.  When I was about 20, I bought the most adorable MG (if you're too young to know what it is Google it), and the crazy thing wasn't that I bought a car.  The crazy thing was I couldn't drive it!  It was a five speed and I could barely drive an automatic that I didn't have to shift, so before I drove that car off the lot, my sales person taught me to shift a 5 speed!  Challenging?  Yes!  But I wanted that car so much, it just didn't matter to me that I couldn't drive it. I knew I would learn . . . get the hang of it and I did.  I almost had whiplash driving the 20 miles to my house that night with all the jerking and bouncing from my inexperience, but I made it!  I've had so many cars through my life, but that is the one that will always make my eyes twinkle when I think about it!

Between the age of 23 and 30 I started and ran (ultimately sold each one) a few businesses.  The first big challenge was when I was hired as the manager for an electronics store...the owner knew I had no knowledge of   electronics whatsoever, which was driven home, when an employee asked me where a solar cell was, and "I said, I don't think we have those."  He flicked a somewhat angry finger toward a blister pack on the wall and said , "This is a solar cell."  Embarrassed?  Yeah, maybe. Intimidated?  No!  I decided I would learn every product in that store, and I did!  Within two weeks, I knew every product and could assemble a component system in no time at all.  (No, don't call me!, I have retired from Electronics, but I can still make "it"  work, when my guys cant. :)  Since electronics really weren't my passion, I moved on and opened a lovely little plant store where I was at one with the earth and wore jeans and dew rags everyday.  Talking to my sweet little bloomers as they brightened up my and everyone else's world was one of the great pleasures of my life.  Moving on, I opened a Bridal Store and worked with the best group of guys and gals that I could ever have dreamed to bless my life.  We all look back at this as a pinnacle of sorts, because we had SO much fun.  Everyday!!! Everyday!!!  When just dressing brides became not so exciting, we decided, over a bottle of pink champagne, and some very rough sketches to start designing and manufacturing "things" and we did.  We put together a line...walked into Saks Fifth Ave on Fifth Ave in NYC and was dismissed rather quickly, as "we were not what they were looking for".  We didn't give up.  Hell NO!  We persevered and ended up hanging in some of the most expensive and stylish boutiques of their day and some of our fans were....Rod Stewart, Roberta Flack, and Miss America contestants.  Fun?  You bet!! Everyday.

My point is find your passion. Whether you are 21 and just looking towards the future of what you are going to do after college graduation or 51 and finding something to do after having been out of the workforce for years, you can do this. You can!  You can do anything you decide to do, if you want it badly enough!  Anything!  I promise you can!

I was with a young woman the other evening.  She graduates with a BS on Saturday.  She's not sure what she wants to do after graduation.  A lot of her friends are having their after graduation "summer weddings" and that may feel a little ostracizing to someone who doesn't have that on her horizon.  What did I do? Applaud her and go into my you can do whatever you want; you don't need a guy speach!!!  She has no obligations, no real commitments, and she can use this time to find out who she is and what will make her eyes twinkle everyday.  We all have to eat!  I am not saying don't go to work, until the perfect scenario comes along, but I am saying, it's okay to take an interim job for food and gas, while you figure it out.  If it doesn't make your eyes light up and your breath become a little shallow when you think of the excitement of what's coming, then you probably should think long and hard before you go down that path, as it becomes harder and harder to turn around and go back, as real life hits us.

Girls, Reflect . .. think what makes you happy.  Forget what your mom wants, your boyfriend wants, your roommate wants (even if it's a husband) and do what brings smiles to your face.  You are the only one that will ever live your life.  It's your life...no one else's.  Take control.  This is the hardest part.  When you tell your parents they paid for a 4 year degree in microbiology, but you really want to write the next great novel, they will look at you like you are crazy!  They will be upset and try to talk you out of it.  The same thing may happen when you tell your husband of 30 years, that you have decided to start your own business, because that's what you want to do.  Remember this is you....this is your life . . . you get one chance.  That's it.  One!!!!  Do what will make you smile everyday and your eyes twinkle.

MEN?  I love men!  And I wouldn't consider myself a "women's libber."  Do they still use that term?  (There are better ways to get what you want).  ;)  Do not plan your life around a man!  Plan your life around YOU and find a man who loves you enough to fit into your life and you into his, not someone who wants to change you.  He should love you for who you are...with all of your idiosyncrasies and all the craziness that comes with being a girl. That goes both ways, girls. He has to be accepted for who he is, too.

Find a man that will love you as much as you love him (I always said if I could find a man who adored me as much as Jack Benny, my Pappillon,  life would be perfect.)  Find a man who will embrace your being . . . who will tolerate your taking risks and making your own mistakes, but will be there to pick you up...not one who will hold you so tight that you won't ever fall down. Relax and take time...you don't need to be the first gal down the aisle, or the first one to have kids.  Take time for you . . . to get to know you.

Take Risks....they may reward you with more than you ever wished for.  Take Risks in love, life and business.  I can say that when everyone was saying I shouldn't do certain things, I kept going forward, a lot of times against advice and even demands.  I don't regret one minute of it, and I'd do it all again.  Was I scared?  Sure, but I did it.  Was I scared when I drove that teeny MG off the car lot.  You bet, but I did it!

To a young woman I love, who is graduating this week, I reach my hand to her and congratulate her on such a huge accomplishment!  Most start college at 18, and you are supposed to figure out your whole life's future in the course of a few short months and declare a major .  Impossible for most?  I think so.   At 21, you're just starting to blossom (and at 51 you could be too.)  You are just beginning to figure out who you really are, and what you might possibly want out of life. I know, that if you want it badly enough, if you want it so much nothing will stop you,  it will happen.  Take a few risks, while you don't have much to lose.   Take time while you still have plenty of it.   You deserve that.  Slow it all down and just live. Now is the time.  Your time.  I promise you that it will be fabulous.

Dedicated to all the girls I love....and one who is very special to me.